I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We are two peas in an std pod
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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