I wish i was in the wii world.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
