I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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