im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize