She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
