Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
