i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
