I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize