Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
