i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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