Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
