you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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