Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
