May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
