it was like his penis was on wheels.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
