I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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