if you like me you must not know who I am
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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