We're facebook friends in real life
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize