I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
