Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
