he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
