Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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