I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
