I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
