Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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