I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
