Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
