Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
