How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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