there's paper in my vomit.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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