There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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