I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
