Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
