i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You are a genius and a whore.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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