you inspire me to be a worse person
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
