saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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