He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
