I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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