If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
