I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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