here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
