Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
