Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
