Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
