Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
