and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
