WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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