I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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