i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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