I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
