Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
