I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
