And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
All the doctor said was why
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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