Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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