i dedicated my morning wood to you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
