You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
