just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
