I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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