she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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