nut hugger
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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