if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
