...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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