I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
the raccoons are back...
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