I'm lost and stupid without you.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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