somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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