Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
where am i from again
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
