Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
