i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
