He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
