if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
