i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
