Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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