The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
