Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
