I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize